Top 10 Most Awkward Things My Toddler Has Said About Jesus

It's fitting that I'm posting this 10 minutes after coming home from the church kids' music program

It’s fitting that I’m posting this 10 minutes after coming home from the church kids’ music program

So, I owe you a post on preschools. And a post on infant sleep. Alas, four sick family members, a newly crawling baby, a sitter mix-up, and a tantrum-throwing toddler has made for very little research time for me.

So, as an offering, I give you, Top 10 Most Awkward Things My Toddler Has Said About Jesus

Let me explain. We have a Benjamin Franklin action figure and a Jesus action figure. Both are remnants from our ironic college days. Of course, L found them and appropriated them as her own.

We’re trying to raise our children in a Christian home. We like that she recognizes the figure as Jesus, so when we read her books about Jesus or sing songs, she has some sense that she’s familiar with him. Kinda like her obsession with Dora, but less throw-myself-out-the-window annoying.

Given that, our Generation Y-ish appreciation of total and complete awkwardness still gives us endless amusement with the following pronouncements, even if our more religious friends might be slightly horrified:

10. “Ya Ya Ya, Jeeesus” *

9. “Oh no, Jesus Fall!”

8. “Thank you. Jeesus Chwist!”

7. “Jeees-us! Jeesus! Whey’d Jesus go?”

6. “Dance, Jesus, Dance!”

5. “Jesus KISS Franklin! Kiss! Hug!”

4. “No, Baby, MY Jesus. Mama, Baby take my JEES-US!”

3. “Jesus eat cracker thank you Mommy.”

2. ” Jesus Franklin toot diaper change!”**

Before I get to #1, here are explanations of #10 and #2

* “ya ya y” is how L pretend “sings”. But it sounds like she’s going, “Yeah yeah yeah” like a bored teenager.

** #2 has led to me saying THE weirdest thing in my life – “No, honey,Jesus and Franklin are big boys. They go potty.”

So, #1. Let me back up. L decided at one point that she wanted to be a baby, like her brother. She asked to be given a bottle. I couldn’t find a doll bottle anywhere, so I grabbed the first thing I found…Jesus.

“Here honey,” I said, “Let’s pretend Jesus is your bottle for now.”

Which led to her saying for the next 4 hours, to anyone she encountered,

1. “Lucy want Jesus milk!”

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